Will I Lose My Dignity?
by takethecurve
Summary: Sequel to It's Happening Again. One year later, Clare's parents are going ahead with a divorce. With Eli's help, will Clare be able to cope, or will she find her pillars of faith irreparably broken?
1. Chapter 1  Reminiscing

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Sequel to It's Happening Again**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. I'm sorry it took so long to get this going, but I didn't want to start a story without knowing where it was going first. **

**Chapter 1 – Reminiscing**

Looking back on the past year, Clare couldn't help but see just how much her life had changed. Though it seemed like a lifetime ago, it was, in fact, one year to the day that she and Eli had attended the black and white dance, where everything had gone awry.

After the police took K.C. away that night, he spent six months in a juvenile detention center, where he received counseling to sort through his anger issues and his feelings towards Jenna's pregnancy and later motherhood.

Jenna gave birth less than a week after taking second place in the Next Teen Star competition. She named her baby girl Hope because after hearing from three different record companies in the hours following the finale, she knew that was exactly what she had won. Hope. Hope for herself and her baby whom she now knew she could provide for.

Fitz was still in the background. When the police questioned him about his part in K.C.'s plan, he admitted that he had been over the feud with Eli and Adam, which explained his inactivity in the weeks preceding the dance. He had simply been monetarily compensated to stall Eli and Adam from leaving. He received a month's suspension from school, since his involvement took place on school grounds.

Clare's bruises took about a week to fade completely, while the hurt she felt took a bit longer. She found it hard not to blame herself for putting herself in the situation by not trusting Eli. Though he insisted her guilt was completely unnecessary, she spent several weeks continuing to apologize.

Before Clare fell asleep the night of the dance, she slid her abstinence ring back on her finger. She almost felt as if its absence had left her too vulnerable. Besides, the one person she had been thinking of when she took it off hadn't even noticed it was missing.

Eli spent the first few weeks trying to comfort Clare, but found it difficult to shake the thoughts he'd had when Fitz told him Clare had left the dance because of him. Sometimes he would wake up in a cold sweat at night, having dreamt of Julia's accident. It was always the same image. He would cross the police tape roping off the scene of the accident, just as he had that night, but as he approached the frail body on the asphalt, it was Clare he saw, bloodied and broken. As time went by, the nightmare occurred less frequently, but its image was forever burned on Eli's brain.

He spent the next several months proving to Clare that making her happy was more important to him than getting the one-up on some stupid bully. Eli was also relieved that when Fitz made his entrance back into the halls of Degrassi, Adam seemed to be completely off Fitz's radar. What was even more surprising was the scene Eli overheard on Fitz's second day back.

Eli was casually strolling down the hall to meet Clare at her locker, when he rounded the corner and saw Fitz speaking to her. His first instinct was to dart between them, but he knew it would only disappoint Clare. Instead, he retreated back around the corner, still within earshot.

"Sure, you can talk to me," Clare answered cautiously.

"I just wanted to apologize about… well… you know," he struggled to get the words out.

"Helping K.C.?" she prompted.

"Well… yeah… Listen, if I had known he was actually gonna hurt you, I never would've agreed to it. I thought he was just gonna talk you into getting back with him," he explained.

"It's okay, but thanks. I appreciate the apology."

Fitz nodded and then turned and walked out the door to the parking lot.

The thing that surprised Eli the most was not the apology itself, but the absolute sincerity behind it. Seeing Fitz be a decent human being for once made Eli see even clearer just how stupid their feud had been.

It was none of these things; however, that caused Clare's life to turn upside down. This event was the one unfolding before Clare's eyes at this very moment.

"Clare, honey, sit down please," her mother asked, gesturing to the sofa across from the two armchairs that her parents occupied.

Clare had just arrived home after spending the afternoon at Eli's house. The blush from their parting kiss was still coloring her cheeks. She sat down cautiously, eyes darting from her mother to her father and back again.

"Clare, your father and I need to tell you something," her mother began. "We have decided that it is best for all of us to separate."

"So you're telling me, you're getting divorced?"

"I know this is hard. It's hard for all of us," her father stated.

"But you've been going to therapy. I thought it was helping," said Clare, her voice feeling tiny.

"Honey, sometimes people just grow apart. We think it would make for a better environment, especially for you, if we separate," her mother replied.

"So what's going to happen? Who's leaving?" Clare looked down at her lap, tears beginning to sting her eyes.

"Please don't look at it that way, Clare. Neither of us is leaving you. I've gotten an apartment. It's close to work, and it has a really nice extra bedroom that you can decorate any way you want for when you come to visit," her father explained.

Silence fell between the three of them. Clare knew they were waiting on a response from her. Instead, she stood up and walked determinedly up to her room, locking the door behind her.


	2. Chapter 2 Reacting

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other pop culture or literary references.**

**Chapter 2 – Reacting**

As she locked the door behind her, Clare turned to face her room. Several different reactions crossed her mind in flashes.

She would fling herself across her bed, letting the tears flow freely until she cried herself to sleep. No, that was pathetic.

She would snatch the family photo taken two years ago from her dresser and throw it as hard as she could against the wall, watching the glass shatter. No, she never was one for tantrums.

She would grab the scissors from her desk and take them into the bathroom. Slowly she would drag the blade across her forearm, feeling release as the blood trickled down her arm. No, she was upset, but not suicidal.

She would pick up the phone and call Alli, talking to the wee hours of the morning about how her life was over. No, the person she wanted to talk to wasn't Alli.

Shaking her head, Clare dismissed all of them. Instead, she double checked her purse, still hanging at her side for her cell phone and wallet. Finding everything in order, she opened her window, scaled down the tree that stood beside it, and took off on her bike.

Her initial idea was to head for Eli's house, but she decided against it. She headed instead to the park near Degrassi. The sun had just set, and most of the people there were packing their belongings and heading to their cars. Clare got off her bike, and walked it along one of the paths into the park.

She turned onto a path that circled a picturesque lake, with a group of ducks swimming together near the bank. On the north end of the lake, the path turned and led up to a small wooden bridge leading across a small section of the lake. Clare parked her bike against the wooden railing that ran along the length of the bridge. She then walked to the railing, resting her elbows on it, and her chin on her fists.

As she looked out over the lake, Clare tried to forget the conversation she had just been forced to witness. It was useless, the words played over and over again in her brain. How could they? Sure, Clare knew her family was far from perfect. All of the drama with Darcy had taught her that, but Darcy had gotten her life back on track, and Clare had thought everything would go back to normal. Once her parents had started growing apart last year and spent their only conversations arguing, Clare had broken down and given her letter for English class to her mother. Upon reading it, her mother found the strength to confront her father. Shortly afterward, they started attending marriage counseling. Why didn't it work?

Clare began to twirl the abstinence ring on her finger. If her parents' marriage couldn't last the test of time, what hope was there for anyone? Her parents used to be so in love, and everyday Clare saw them and thought, I want that. I want someone to look at me like that, to smile at me that way.

She glared down at the delicate ring, and suddenly it disgusted her. True Love Waits. For what? Marriage? A marriage with no guarantee? A marriage to leave one broken and bitter? She pulled the ring off her finger, placing it in the palm of her hand. What was the point in keeping this commitment anyway? Denying her freedom? With one last look at it, Clare tossed it as hard as she could, where it fell with the tiniest of splashes into the lake.

Satisfied, Clare got back on her bike and rode back into town, stopping at a corner 24-hour pharmacy.

As she exited, she pulled her cell phone out, choosing a number from the contact list.

"Hey, I'm sorry to call like this, but can I come over?" Clare asked.

"Of course," the voice on the other end answered.

"Okay, I'll be there shortly."

With her purchase stowed safely in her purse, Clare got back on her bike. After looking briefly towards the route she would take to go home, she started peddling in the opposite direction.


	3. Chapter 3 Rebelling

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. Thanks for the reviews so far!**

**Chapter 3 – Rebelling**

Clare parked her bike to the side of the driveway and knocked on the front door. After a brief moment, it opened slowly.

"Hi Mrs. Bhandari."

"Hello Clare. Alli told us you were dropping by," Mrs. Bhandari greeted warmly, welcoming her inside. "Alli is up in her room if you would like to join her."

"Thanks," Clare said as she headed to the staircase. She found Alli in her pajamas already, sprawled out across her bed, flipping through a magazine. Clare plopped down beside her.

"Hey lady," Alli said, looking up from her newest copy of Vogue. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I need your assistance with something," answered Clare.

"Okay… what did you have in mind?" asked Alli, her eyes afire with curiosity.

"Don't freak out," Clare warned, reaching into her purse and pulling out her purchase from the pharmacy. She handed it carefully to Alli.

"Are you serious?" she exclaimed.

"Of course I am. I wouldn't have wasted the money if I wasn't serious," Clare explained.

"Your mom is going to have a heart attack."

"So let her. I think it's about time I stopped worrying about pleasing them. It's not like they pay me the same courtesy."

"Um… did something happen?"

"They're getting a divorce. I came in from Eli's house, and they ambushed me with it," Clare explained.

"Oh Clare, I… I'm so sorry," Alli said as she hugged her friend.

"I'm fine. I just need a change, something to get my mind off of things. So are you gonna help me?"

"Well, I've never done this before, but that's what instructions are for I suppose," Alli said optimistically.

45 minutes later…

"Well how does it look?" Clare asked.

"Dark," Alli stated flatly.

Clare approached the bathroom mirror slowly. No turning back now, she thought. Looking back at her was a different Clare. This Clare lacked the light that ordinarily radiated from her eyes. This Clare also had dark mahogany tresses, still softly curled and tousled.

"Does it look terrible?" Clare asked, a hint of self-consciousness in her voice.

"Honey, you'd look stunning with any color," Alli reassured her. "Are you sure you didn't do this to fit in with your emo boyfriend?"

"Of course I'm sure. I'm doing this for me, and maybe a little bit of teenage rebellion," she admitted. "Which I guess I should go home and deal with now."

"Well, good luck, lady. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

Clare rode her bike home, scaled the tree, and crawled back through her open window. As she lay down on her bed, she called Eli. He picked up on the second ring.

"Well hello there," he answered.

"Hey."

"And just where exactly did you disappear to tonight?" he asked.

"I went to Alli's… wait, how did you know I left?"

"Well you didn't get online tonight or answer my texts, so I assumed you were out of pocket," he explained.

"Oh, well I guess that makes sense… Listen, I need to tell you something." 

"Fire away."

"My parents sort of ambushed me when you dropped me off. They're… um… getting divorced."

"Ouch. Do you wanna talk about it?" 

"Not exactly, and there's something else," she admitted.

"Okay… you have my attention."

"I kinda… might've… dyed my hair."

"Why?"

"I just felt like I needed a change, or maybe I just wanted to piss off my mom. I don't know," she spilled.

"Clare, I'm shocked. I've never heard you use the phrase 'piss off'," he chuckled. "Well what color is it?"

"Dark…"

"Hmm… not exactly what I'd have pictured, but you know you're gorgeous regardless of your choice of hair color. What did your mom say? I bet she went off on a tirade about how much of a bad influence I am."

"She hasn't seen it yet. I snuck out the window to go to Alli's."

"That hurts, Clare. I thought I was the only one you scaled that tree for," he teased.

"You underestimate me."

"Mmm… Feisty. I like it," he chuckled.

"Oh hush. Anyway, I'm gonna try to get some sleep."

"Alright, alright. See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams."

"G'night."

Clare reached over and plugged her phone into the charger. She laid her head back on the pillow, feeling exhausted. Her eyes traced patterns on the ceiling until she finally fell asleep.

The next morning…

Clare opened her closet, examining its contents. After surveying for minute or two, she grabbed a pair of dark wash jeans and a charcoal v-neck sweater with three-quarter sleeves that fell just past her hips. Since it was pretty low-cut, she grabbed a black tank top to wear underneath. She finished off the look with a pair of black ballet flats.

She then approached her dresser, analyzing her jewelry box. Most noticeable was her silver cross necklace that she wore every day. Frowning slightly, she closed the jewelry box, choosing only a pair of simple black hoop earrings.

As Clare stared at herself in the mirror in her bathroom, she couldn't help but let out a small giggle.

"I look like Eli," she said to herself.

After grabbing her phone and her bag for school, Clare took a deep breath, preparing for the worst, and slowly made her way downstairs.

**Hehehe, did I get you? I know you guys thought Clare was going to Eli's, but it's much more fun if I keep you on your toes!**


	4. Chapter 4 Reasoning

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references.**

**Chapter 4 – Reasoning**

"Clare Edwards! What have you done to your hair?" her mother practically screamed.

"I dyed it," Clare answered, not meeting her mother's eye, as she sat down at the kitchen table. Her mother had made pancakes for breakfast, so Clare began fixing her plate.

"I did not give you permission to dye your hair!"

"I didn't ask for your permission," Clare said coolly, helping herself to the maple syrup.

"Look at me! Why did you do this?"

Clare put her fork down and glared up at her mother, anger seething through her blue eyes.

"I needed a change, so I made one," she answered simply, returning to her breakfast. After taking another bite of pancake, she added, "I don't know why you're so surprised. You and Dad didn't seem to have a problem making a change without involving me."

"This is completely different. You know your father and I have tried to make things work. For goodness sakes, we did a year of therapy!"

"And we see how well that worked out," Clare pointed.

"Clare, what has gotten into you? You've never spoken to me like this," her mother pleaded.

"Well maybe I'm tired of pretending like I'm fine with this!" Clare exclaimed as she grabbed her bag and walked out the front door.

Thankfully, Eli was just pulling up in the hearse. Clare threw the passenger door open and plopped herself down on the seat, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Umm... morning?" Eli greeted cautiously.

Clare quickly shook her head and took a deep breath, calming herself.

"Sorry, hi," she answered.

Eli reached across and twirled one of her dark curls around his finger.

"You hate it, don't you?" she asked.

Rather than answer immediately, he took her face in his hands and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"I don't hate it. It's just going to take some getting used to. I'm not used to seeing my bright and shiny Clare look so dark and mysterious," he teased.

With that, Eli headed to school, but Clare saw him glancing over at her periodically, probably still getting used to her new look.

Once they arrived at school, Clare found herself the center of attention, much to her dismay. It also annoyed her that everyone thought she had undertaken her little makeover for Eli. What was wrong with everybody? Why did everything have to be about Eli or her parents? Needless to say, by the end of the day, Clare was in a rather foul mood.

Practically throwing her books in her locker, Clare darted out the door to the parking lot, making a b-line for the hearse. Eli was already in the driver's seat, listening to one of his Dead Hand cds. Clare opened the passenger door, threw her bag in the floorboard, and plopped down on the seat, mimicking her position from earlier in the day.

"Rough day?" Eli asked, turning the music down.

"You'd think I came to school with pink hair and fake boobs, the way people keep staring at me! And why does everyone assume I'm trying to look like you?" she vented.

"Whoa, okay so you didn't expect anyone to notice?"

"Ugh, it's not that. I just hate how everything I do has to be for my parents or for my religion, and now they all think I'm trying to be goth. Would it be too much for their tiny brains to comprehend that I might do something for myself? I'm tired of being little miss perfect. I just want to be left alone!"

They made the rest of the drive to her house in silence. Once Eli parked the hearse, he turned to Clare.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about the divorce? You're obviously upset."

Clare turned and glared at him. "You think that's what this is about, don't you?" she accused.

"I didn't say..."

She cut him off. "I get it. You think I'm all messed up about the divorce so that's why I dyed my hair."

Eli met her glare, emerald eyes blazing. "You're putting words in my mouth."

"You know what? I think I can study perfectly well on my own tonight," she said, and with that, she grabbed her bag and exited the car.

Eli sat there, stunned. After Clare had gone inside, he put the hearse in drive and headed home.

Clare went upstairs and settled into her homework, still fuming. She refused to join her parents for dinner, but after they went to bed, she crept down to the kitchen and made herself a sandwich.

Before going to bed, Clare grabbed her laptop, setting it in front of her on the bed.

_Clare: I'm sorry._

Five minutes went by.

_Eli: What's the deal Clare? You've never been one to be irrational._

_Clare: Maybe I'm in denial... about the divorce._

_Clare: I just feel so angry._

_Eli: I'd appreciate it if you chose a different verbal punching bag next time._

_Clare: I know, I'm sorry._

_Eli: It's fine. I'll see you in the morning?_

_Clare: Yeah, g'night._

_Eli: G'night._

Clare returned her laptop to her desk and snuggled into her covers. Sleep soon overtook her.

She woke up a few minutes after 4 a.m., bolting upright in her bed. She threw her covers off, and barely made it to the bathroom before she was violently sick. After regaining her composure, Clare rinsed her mouth out in the sink and tried to go back to bed. Unfortunately, she woke up every half hour for the next four hours, rushing to the bathroom again.

A few minutes after 7 a.m. and after another spell in the bathroom getting sick, she texted Eli and said she had the stomach flu and was staying home. Finally, around 8:30 a.m., Clare stumbled one last time from her bathroom back to her bed and slept the rest of the afternoon.


	5. Chapter 5 Resting

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. To those readers who think Clare has morning sickness, please trust me when I say that if Clare and Eli had slept together in my story, I would never leave you to assume it. I would have written about it, I promise.**

**Chapter 5 - Resting**

Clare rolled over and grabbed her cell phone from her bedside table. It was just after 2 p.m. Knowing that Eli would probably stop by after school, she got up and dragged herself into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth furiously trying to get all the taste of bile out of her mouth, then proceeded to get in the shower. The hot water felt good on her sore back muscles and stomach from all the heaving during the night. Her stomach still felt a little iffy, but she figured it was just because there was nothing but stomach acid in it.

After she combed her hair and put on a clean pair of pajamas, Clare descended the stairs to peruse the kitchen. Her mother had left a note on the table saying there was Gatorade in the fridge, and if she needed anything else to call. She silently thanked her mother, as much as she hated to. She poured herself a small glass, and grabbed a stack of saltines. Better safe than sorry, she figured.

Clare was flipping through the channels on the living room t.v. when the doorbell rang. She eased off the couch and opened the front door, squinting at the sudden brightness of the outdoors.

"Hello sleepy head, feeling better or still pukey?" Eli smirked.

"Ugh, don't remind me. I feel better, but last night was horrible. I don't understand how you can keep throwing up when there's literally nothing in your stomach," she replied as she walked back to the couch.

Eli plopped down beside her, draping an arm on the back of the couch behind her. Eli started filling her in on what she missed at school. Nothing major. Adam says hi. As he spoke, his hands intertwined with Clare's which he brought to his lips and kissed gently. It was then that he noticed something different about her, other than her dark tresses, of course.

"Umm... didn't you used to have a ring on this finger?"

"Oh... uh... yeah, I did, but I took it off," she blushed.

"Your abstinence ring?"

"Yeah, kinda," she admitted.

"So why'd you take it off?"

"I just didn't want to wear it anymore. It felt like a stupid."

"Oh..." Sensing that she didn't want him to delve any further, Eli turned back to the t.v.

Clare gave up trying to find decent programming and handed the remote to Eli. As he flipped channels, Clare laid her head down in his lap, breathing in his scent. She vaguely remembered him running a hand through her damp curls, occasionally brushing his fingers lightly against her cheek before she fell asleep again.

The front door slammed, and Clare woke with a start. She looked up to see Eli must have dozed off as well, because he looked just as startled.

"Oh hi Eli," Clare's mother greeted. "Clare are you feeling better?"

"Yeah... Oh and thanks for the Gatorade," she admitted.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you today."

"It's ok, I slept all day anyway."

"Oh... right, well, what are you feeling up to for dinner?" her mother asked.

"Maybe just something simple? Chicken noodle soup?"

"Sure, I'll have to run to the market, but I'll be back soon," her mother smiled, picking her purse back up and heading out the door.

"Well you seem to be on better terms with your mom," Eli evaluated.

"Oh shut up, I'm too tired to be mad at anybody today," she explained, sitting up and running a hand through her hair.

Clare's mom arrived home twenty minutes later, and Eli stayed for dinner. Surprisingly, Clare actually enjoyed herself, despite her lack of appetite. Eli kept the conversation flowing between her and her mother effortlessly. After dinner, Clare and Eli returned to the couch and found a movie on t.v. Clare found herself awakened again a little while later, though thankfully in a less startling manner. Eli had gently shaken her awake, since he needed to head home, and saying she should probably head to bed.

"So, you gonna grace the school with your presence tomorrow?" he asked, leaning casually in the front doorway.

"Yeah I suppose," she sighed.

"Ok, well get some rest. I'm gonna need you back to full strength pretty soon," he laughed.

"Oh really? And why's that?" 

"I think we should take a little excursion. Not like immediately, but in the near future. It'll help you get your mind off things, although I guess puking your guts up has done that too."

"Haha, very funny."

"Alright, get to bed, you look like you're gonna fall out any minute."

"Mkay."

With that, Eli kissed her on the forehead and closed the door behind him. He was right though, Clare was still exhausted, despite her day of sleep. She stumbled up the stairs and fell asleep the moment her dark curls fanned out over her pillow.

Over the next week, Clare kept a low profile at school, or at least she tried to. Her clothes still hinted at rebellion, shunning the light colors of her wardrobe for darker, warmer tones. She found it hard to overlook her mother's comments about her dark look.

"Clare honey, why don't you wear your yellow dress today. It's so nice and warm out," he mother suggested one morning in the kitchen. Clare stopped pushing the cereal around in her bowl.

"Mom, what I wear is none of your concern. It's not like I'm walking around with my boobs or my butt hanging out," she pointed.

"I know honey, but you just look so sad."

"Sad isn't exactly the emotion I would have pegged. How about agitated?" Clare glared.

"Clare, I'll be honest. I thought you were more mature than this," her mother fired back.

"What would you have me do, Mom? Jump up and down that my family is a disaster? You and Dad are splitting up and Darcy has completely checked out of our family. Am I supposed to be ecstatic? Jubilant? Overjoyed?"

"I ran into your yearbook sponsor yesterday. She said you resigned from the yearbook staff," her mom stated, changing the subject.

Clare didn't even bother to retort. She just grabbed her bag and headed out the front door, leaving her breakfast practically untouched.

It took almost a week for her appetite to return, but much to her dismay, as soon as she had managed to enjoy her dinner, late one night after seeing a movie with Eli, she had another bout of stomach flu.

Deciding that she couldn't skip school a second time within two weeks, she dragged herself through her morning routine and got ready for school. She put on a pair of grey jeans and one of the black hooded sweatshirts she had nicked from Eli over the past year. After grabbing a bottle of Gatorade from the fridge, she sauntered out the front door and got in the waiting hearse.

"You know, I don't know if I've ever told you this, but you wear my clothes better than I do," he smirked.

Clare barely cracked a smile and took a swig of Gatorade.

"Really? Not even blushing? Who are you, and what have you done with my very easy-to-embarrass girlfriend?" he laughed.

"Your girlfriend is still in bed. You'll have to put up with her empty shell today," Clare remarked.

"Come on, Clare, I didn't keep you out that late last night," he said, rubbing her knee.

"No, but my stomach did," she explained.

"Oh, are you sure you wanna go to school? Maybe you should go to the doctor. Nobody gets the stomach flu back to back like this."

"I'm fine, just drive. The quicker we get there, the quicker the day is over, and I can go back to bed." 

"If it makes you feel better, you can nap on me at lunch," he suggested, winking at her.

Clare genuinely grinned, blushing a light pink, which was extremely noticeable since she was a touch paler than usual.

"Ah, that's my girl," Eli smirked.


	6. Chapter 6 Reaching

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I do not own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. A thousand apologies for not updating. Seriously, last week was insane at work, and then I was out of town over the weekend so I didn't get anything done. Hopefully now things are back to normal and I can iron out a few chapters today. Also, I promise there is no immaculate conception going on, but kudos for making my day with that comment!**

**Chapter 6 - Reaching**

At lunch, Clare found Eli and Adam at their usual table outside. She sat down beside Eli, and grabbed the Gatorade from her bag, taking a swig from the bottle. Eli and Adam were talking about some action movie that was coming out soon. Although her nausea had long passed, the exhaustion left in its wake was wearing Clare down.

"I hate to interrupt, but can I take you up on your suggestion this morning?" she asked Eli, timidly.

Adam looked at her perplexed, but Eli just laughed and scooted down to the end of the bench. Clare curled her legs up, and laid her head in Eli's lap. She fell asleep quickly as he gently ran a finger through her dark curls, continuing his conversation with Adam.

All too soon, she was shaken gently awake.

"Come on Sleeping Beauty, time to get to class," Eli joked.

"Ugh, really? I feel like I just laid my head down five seconds ago," Clare complained, stretching her arms.

"You sure you're alright?" Adam asked with genuine concern.

"Other than the sleep deprivation, sure."

The three of them gathered their bags and headed off to class. At the end of the day, Clare sauntered out to Eli's hearse, feeling like a walking zombie. He was already waiting, which she silently thanked the heavens for. She wasn't sure she could stay awake much longer. Once they arrived at Clare's house, Eli made sure she made it upstairs and into bed. Clare didn't even bother to change into pajamas. Before he left, Eli kissed her softly and wished her sweet dreams. Having reached a state beyond exhaustion, Clare slept all through the rest of the day and night.

The next morning she got up refreshed, all traces of nausea and sleepiness gone at last. She showered quickly, dressed in some comfy jeans and a grey t-shirt, and descended the stairs for breakfast. She found her mother at the kitchen table, pouring over her check book. Clare raised an eyebrow, but continued on her way to the fridge, grabbing the milk. As she fixed herself a bowl of cereal, her mom spoke.

"Clare I have some bad news," she began. "Your grandmother fell and broke her hip early this morning. Your Aunt Kathy is going to use her vacation time next week and go stay with her, but she can't get there until Saturday. Do you think you'll be alright if I go stay with her until then? I'll have to leave as soon as I finish getting these bills ready to mail off, and I'd be back some time Saturday afternoon."

Doing the mental math, that meant roughly three days to herself, since it was Wednesday.

"Of course. Dad's just across town if I need something anyway," she pointed out. "Is Grandma gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, she's scheduled for surgery this afternoon, but after that she'll just need to rest and recuperate."

Clare nodded, returning to her cereal. Her mother gathered up the bills and stowed them in her purse.

"Okay, I still need to go to the bank, but I'll leave you some money here on the table for take out and anything else you might need. Don't hesitate to call your father if you need anything. Actually, are you sure you don't want to just go stay with him while I'm gone?"

"I'm sure. He doesn't really have my room set up yet, and everything I need for school is here," she replied.

"Okay, just be safe. Lock all the doors when you come home, and I'll call and check on you after school. I love you," her mother said hurriedly, grabbing her overnight bag and kissed Clare on the top of her head before rushing out the door.

Clare finished her cereal, then rinsed the bowl out, placing it in the dishwasher. She turned and leaned on the counter. Three whole days to herself. No parents fighting. No tense mealtimes. Some relaxation was just what Clare needed. From a distance, Clare heard the familiar sound of music blaring through the speakers of the hearse. She grabbed her bag, and headed out the front door.

"Someone's in a good mood," Eli quipped as Clare slid in beside him.

"Someone is parent free for three days," she replied, smiling at the thought.

"How did you manage that?"

"My Grandma broke her hip, and Mom's gotta go stay with her for a little while," she explained.

"Ouch, I never wanna get old. Can you imagine breaking a freaking hip?"

"Not exactly, but the mental image of you as an old man is hilarious," she laughed.

After school, Eli drove Clare home as usual. They went inside, sprawling their homework on the floor like they always did. Her mom called soon after, saying her grandmother came through the surgery, and that the doctor said everything went smoothly. After a couple of hours, Clare heard Eli's stomach rumble, so they packed their books away, and Clare ordered a pizza. After dinner, they laid on the couch, flipping through the nightly sitcoms. Around 9 p.m., Eli stood up, stretching his arms above his head.

"Where are you going?" Clare asked.

"Uh, home? It's getting late," he smirked.

"There is another option," she suggested timidly.

Eli raised an eyebrow. "And that would be…"

"You could stay."

"And what would I tell my parents? They may be lax on my curfew, but sleeping over at my girlfriend's is a stretch."

"Say you're staying at Adam's or whatever, unless you don't want to…"

Eli sighed, "You're a bad influence on me. I'll still have to go home and get some clothes. Be back in half an hour?"

"Sounds like a plan," Clare smiled.

Eli grabbed his keys and Clare heard the familiar roar of the hearse's engine fade off in to the distance. She turned off the t.v. and put the leftover pizza in the refrigerator. Next, she went upstairs and went about her nightly routine. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, and changed into some purple plaid pajama shorts and a worn lavender t-shirt. She then walked back downstairs and threw her dirty clothes in the hamper in the laundry room. As she rounded the corner back through the kitchen, she heard a car door shut outside. The image through the peep hole in the front door told her it was Eli.

She unlocked the door and beckoned him in. He had a black gym bag hung on his shoulder. She locked the door behind him, as he went upstairs to change. She turned all the lights off downstairs and walked cautiously back up to her room. Eli was perched in the center of her bed, clad in black gym shorts and a white v-neck undershirt. He patted the space beside him, and Clare crawled up beside him.

"So, I've never slept over at a girl's house before. Are we gonna gossip about boys and paint our toes?" he laughed.

"Hardly, besides the only boy worth gossiping about is you," she joked, lightly elbowing him in the ribs.

"So where am I sleeping?"

"Well, to be honest, I kinda figured you'd stay with me…" Clare blushed.

"Scandalous. WWAS. What would Alli say?"

"She'd say we were wasting time talking," Clare laughed, but she was soon interrupted when Eli crushed her lips with his. She gasped, taken off guard. She regained composure quickly, placing her hands behind Eli's neck, and leaning back on the bed, pulling him to her.


	7. Chapter 7 Resisting

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I do not own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references.**

**Chapter 7 – Resisting**

Clare felt like her whole body was on fire. Eli was everywhere. His warm lips kissed her passionately. His hand was perched dangerously on her side, just underneath the hem of her t-shirt, while he leaned on his other elbow above her. His legs intertwined with hers. Every inch of them touched, from their heads to their toes. Clare loved the way her body fit perfectly with Eli's. It was like they were made for each other. She felt her body acting of its own accord as her back arched and she felt her hips grind into Eli's.

A small moan escaped her mouth, and she heard Eli's breath catch before he began kissing her neck, stretching the neck of her t-shirt, granting him access to her shoulder and collar bone. The hand that was on her side made its way up her body, stopping treacherously at the point where Eli's thumb was just underneath her breast. Clare could feel just how turned on Eli was, and before she could think, she grabbed his hand from underneath her shirt.

"Whoa…"

Eli leaned up, his face flushed as well.

"I… I think I…" Clare stammered.

"M… Maybe we should call it a night?" Eli suggested, slightly out of breath.

"That might be best."

Clare stood up from the bed, and Eli followed. She turned the covers back, and slid between the sheets, scooting over to make room. Eli got in beside her, switching off the lamp on her bedside table. Clare rolled on her side, away from him, slightly ashamed. She felt him scoot closer to her, draping an arm around her. She moved her hand underneath his, fingers intertwining. She could feel his breath in her ear.

"I'm sorry that I got carried away," he breathed.

"I… It's ok."

"Sweet dreams."

"G'night."

_Clare looked around at her unfamiliar surroundings. Where was she? She couldn't see anything around her. A fog shrouded everything. Out of the mist, a figure sauntered forward. To her left, two more figures approached, hand in hand._

_The two figures to her left leaned towards each other and kissed, chastely. Then, they pushed each other away. As they parted, they both looked at Clare, raising their hands and pointing to her before they disappeared._

_The lone figure was now beside her. He took her hand in his, and she recognized the texture. _

"_Eli, what's going on?"_

"_Your parents left. You drove them away," he replied with no emotion in his voice._

"_What? No, I didn't… I didn't mean…"_

"_I have to go."_

"_But… No, wait… Where are you going?"_

"_It doesn't matter," he replied, his lifeless eyes never meeting hers as he dropped her hand._

_She reached for him, but he was walking away. She tried to run after him, but she could never catch up. He never even looked back…_

Clare woke with a start, sitting upright in the bed, Eli's arm still draped over her side. She raised a hand to her forehead, wiping away the cold sweat from her brow. The other hand approached her face and felt wet tears on her cheeks. She looked down at Eli as his eyes fluttered open.

"Clare… what… what's wrong?" he asked sleepily, leaning up on an elbow.

"I… I…"

Eli sat all the way up, alarm on his face. He took her face in his hands as she dropped hers into her lap. His thumbs wiped away the tears from her cheeks.

"What happened? Were you dreaming?"

"Yeah, I guess. I don't know where I was, but my parents were there, but then they left me, and you were there, but then you left too. I tried to follow you, but I couldn't reach you. You were all gone! I drove everyone away!" she cried, fresh tears flowing down her cheeks.

Eli pulled her into his arms, and she wrapped her arms around his torso. After a few minutes, her sobs subsided, and she took deep breaths to calm herself. She looked up timidly to Eli. Despite the sleepiness behind his eyes, she could see his concern. She removed her arms from around him and placed them on his shoulders, pulling herself up. She locked eyes with him for a brief second, then gently touched her lips to his. He kissed her back, softly but cautiously.

Sensing his restraint, Clare deepened the kiss, beckoning him to comply. He did, reaching one hand behind her head, into her hair. She pulled her legs underneath her, sitting briefly on her knees before stretching one leg across his lap and straddling him. She felt him tense beneath her, but she continued kissing him fiercely. She moved her lips to his neck, playfully nibbling at the sensitive skin in the crook. His arms encircled her waist, as his hands reached underneath her t-shirt, kneading into her lower back.

Whether it was her desire for Eli or the emotions from the dream leading her on, Clare felt a sudden boldness brewing beneath her skin. Before she could even think twice about it, she reached down, pulling Eli's undershirt over his head, her hands raking down his chest as she continued to kiss his neck.

His hands underneath her shirt skirted around her side and to her stomach. Slowly, they made their way towards her chest. Deciding to make it easier for him, Clare grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and started to lift it, when Eli's hands grasped her wrists. He leaned his forehead to hers.

"If you do that, I'm not sure my self-restraint can handle it," he said, his voice shaking slightly.

"Screw your self-restraint," she breathed, kissing him fiercely.

"Wait, excuse me?" he said incredulously, pulling her face from his.

"I said screw your self-restraint, I don't want you to stop," she said hurriedly, leaning back in.

Before her lips could meet his, he stopped her again.

"Clare, what are you saying? You want to…"

She nodded her head furiously, frustrated with his restraint.

"Clare, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Because I know you Clare, you're just upset. You don't really wanna do this. Let's just go back to sleep."

"I do want this. Why are you being like this?" she demanded.

"Because you're gonna regret it, and I don't want the first time we have sex to be because you weren't thinking straight!"

Eli scooted back on the bed, forcing Clare off his lap.

"I am thinking straight! I want this, Eli. I love you!" she cried.

Silence fell between them. Clare felt her eyes burn as fresh tears pooled, threatening to spill.

"Are you not gonna say it back?"

"You didn't mean it," he said, pulling his undershirt back on. "I don't know what's going on here, but I know you didn't mean that."

"What are you talking about? I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it!"

"I'm gonna go sleep downstairs," he said quietly, grabbing a pillow and a quilt from the end of Clare's bed.

"Eli! Eli, look at me!"

"I can't look at you right now. I don't know who you are right now," he said as he walked out the bedroom door, closing it behind him.


	8. Chapter 8 Retreating

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. **

**Chapter 8 – Retreating**

Clare stared at the door, tears streaming down her face, trying to wrap her head around what just happened. She wanted more than anything to rush down the stairs and confront him, to tell him he was wrong, but her limbs wouldn't move, and the words wouldn't come. She lay down, hugging her arms to her chest. She sobbed until she fell asleep, and even as she dreamed, tears silently fell down her cheeks.

She awoke with a start as her phone alarm chimed. Reaching over to turn it off, Clare saw the bathroom door was shut, and she could faintly hear the sound of the shower running. While she waited for the bathroom, she made her bed and pulled some clothes out of the closet to wear. She was laying out her blue jean skirt and deep plum sweater on the bed when she heard the door unlock. Her breath caught in her throat, not knowing what to expect.

Eli emerged from the bathroom in his jeans and an undershirt, carrying his dirty clothes under his arm. He didn't even look at her as he crossed the room and headed back downstairs.

Clare was surprised to find that rather than being sad, she was just angry. Why was he acting like this? Frustrated, she locked her bedroom door and then got in the shower.

After she was dressed and ready, she grabbed her school bag and descended the stairs. She found Eli on the couch, watching t.v. His eyes never ventured in her direction as she walked into the kitchen, grabbing a pop-tart from the pantry. She leaned against the kitchen counter, nibbling her breakfast pastry, glaring at Eli. Why was he treating her like this? She had told him she loved him. That was a huge deal, and he just walked away. She was willing to give him everything, and he just walked away.

After a few minutes, Eli turned off the t.v., grabbed his bag, and opened the front door, gesturing towards the hearse. Realizing this was her cue to go to school, Clare grabbed her bag and followed.

The silence in the hearse was deafening. As they pulled in the parking lot, Clare couldn't take it anymore.

"Are you really not gonna say anything?" she demanded.

"What would you like me to say?" he asked, throwing the hearse in park.

"Anything, you haven't said a word to me since last night."

"I didn't have anything to say," he said, grabbing his bag and stepping out of the car. Before Clare could say anything else, Eli was halfway across the parking lot. Fuming, Clare grabbed her bag and exited the hearse, slamming the door shut, harder than was really necessary. As she stomped off to class, a hand grabbed her upper arm.

"Hey Clare," Adam greeted.

"Oh hey Adam."

"What's up with Eli? I yelled at him to wait up, and he just kept walking like he hadn't heard me," he explained.

"Oh… um… Adam, it's kinda personal. We had a… misunderstanding, I guess."

"Drama, drama, drama. Alright, I can take a hint," he said, strolling off to his first period class.

Clare's anger simmered down as the day went on. She avoided their table at lunch, opting to eat in the drama department, but she saw him talking to Adam through a window in the hallway on her way there. How could he? What right did he have to talk to Adam about what happened, when he wouldn't talk about it with her? She pulled out her phone.

_Clare: I don't need a ride home today, so don't wait for me._

No response.

At the end of the day, Clare hung around school much longer than she normally would. Truth be told, even though she didn't have a ride, she just didn't want to have to sit through another silent car ride. Once she saw the hearse leave the parking lot, she started the walk home.

Once she arrived home, Clare finished her homework, ate some leftover pizza, and finished her night with a bit of reading. She fell asleep, but tossed and turned the whole night, with the scene between Eli and her the previous night replaying over and over in her head.


	9. Chapter 9 Reliving

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. **

**Chapter 10 – Reliving**

Eli closed the bedroom door behind him. He paused before taking the first step downstairs. He heard the ragged sobs from the other side of the door. His first reaction would have been to turn around and go back, but he knew he couldn't.

Throwing the pillow on the far end of the couch, Eli stretched out, spreading the quilt out over himself. He rolled on his side facing the back of the couch. He could still hear Clare's cries, despite their distance. He knew though, he couldn't comfort her in this. She may be upset, but it was only because she felt rejected. Rejected for something she didn't even really want. If she had really wanted to, she wouldn't have stopped him earlier that evening before they went to bed.

Then to make matters worse, she threw out the "I love you." It was something that had been on his mind for weeks, almost slipping off the tip of his tongue on numerous occasions. He had just been waiting for the right time to say it. When she said it, she only meant it to make him stay, to take advantage of her. How could she throw it out there like that?

Eli tossed and turned most of the night. After what felt like the tenth time he had woken up, he glanced at the clock above the mantle. 6:12 a.m. Deciding he should probably just stay awake, he crept upstairs. He opened Clare's bedroom door slowly, trying not to wake her. He grabbed his change of clothes from his overnight bag, and before retreating to the bathroom, he stole a glance at Clare. Her eyes were red and puffy, no doubt from crying, and she was balled up in the middle of the bed, almost in the fetal position. Sighing, he crossed the room and closed the bathroom door lightly behind him.

The shower did its job of waking him up, but even the hot water couldn't wash away the memories of last night. He dressed quickly, and hesitated briefly before opening the door to exit the bathroom. He heard movement on the other side of the door, so he knew Clare must be awake. Taking a deep breath, Eli opened the door and crossed the room back to the hallway. It took every ounce of self-control not to look at her.

Downstairs, he plopped back down on the couch and started flipping channels on the t.v. He heard Clare's footsteps as she came down the stairs. He listened as she pulled something from the pantry, and he could feel her eyes burning a hole in the back of his head as she ate.

After a few minutes, he glanced at the clock. Deciding it wasn't too early, he turned off the t.v., grabbed his bag, and headed for the front door. He gestured towards the hearse, his silent acknowledgement of her presence, and Clare followed him out the door.

The car ride was silent. Although a thousand different lines crept through his brain, he couldn't manage to voice any of them. As they pulled in the parking lot, she broke the silence.

"Are you really not gonna say anything?"

Eli could sense the tension in her voice. She wasn't sad. She was pissed.

"What would you like me to say?" he replied, jerking the gear shift into park, dreading the answer.

"Anything, you haven't said a word to me since last night."

In the split second he thought up ten different responses, but rejected them all.

"I didn't have anything to say," and with that he exited the hearse, briskly walking as far away from the hearse as he could without running.

As he crossed the lot, he heard Adam shout out to him, but he just kept walking. He needed distance.

The day dragged on. As the bell rang for lunch, he considered avoiding their usual table, but decided to go anyway. He found Adam there as usual, but Clare never showed.

"So… uh… not that it's really my business, but what happened between you and Clare?" Adam asked reluctantly.

"She didn't tell you?" Eli replied.

"Nah… I asked what was up with you giving me the cold shoulder in the lot this morning, but she just said it was personal."

"We had a… misunderstanding."

"You know that's funny. That's the exact same thing Clare said this morning."

Barely noticeable, Eli chuckled. Even when they weren't speaking, they were on the same wavelength.

"She told me she loved me."

"Okay…" Adam stretched out the word. "Most people would be all lovey-dovey goo-goo eyes. You two apparently haven't gotten the memo."

"It's not that simple. She said it because I wouldn't sleep with her."

"I'll be honest, that's kinda shocking. I thought Clare was a wait-til-marriage kinda girl."

"She is. That's why I didn't. She only said she loved me to convince me to do it."

"Ouch."

"Yeah."

"So… what happens now? You guys can't just keep avoiding each other. You might not have said it, but I know how it is with you two."

"I don't know. Clare's been acting so strange lately. First the 'makeover', then the puking her guts up, now this…"

Adam just shrugged his shoulders. Eli felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket.

_Clare: I don't need a ride home today, so don't wait for me._

That afternoon, Eli walked out to the hearse, still half-expecting her to be there waiting. She wasn't.

That night, he went through the motions, dinner with the parents and homework. As he lay in bed later on, he debated whether or not to call Clare. She was home alone after all. He would just be calling to check on her, or at least that's what he told himself, before rejecting the idea completely. He slept as poorly as the night before, only this time he dreamt once again of Clare at Julia's accident, her dark curls spread over the pavement, blood seeping underneath them.


	10. Chapter 10 Realizing

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other pop culture or literary references. Sorry to any readers who were confused by the last chapter. Chapter 9 takes place during the same time frame as Chapter 8, just from Eli's point of view, rather than Clare's. **

**Chapter 10 – Realizing **

Clare woke up exhausted. After turning off the alarm on her cell phone, she glanced to see if she had any missed calls or text messages, thinking only of Eli. Nothing. After briefly debating on skipping the whole day, Clare forced herself out of bed and into the shower.

As she walked downstairs once she had finished getting ready, the thought occurred to her that she didn't have a way to school. Glancing at the clock, she grabbed her bag and pop-tart, and proceeded to walk to school.

The day dragged by just like yesterday. As she walked home that afternoon, she realized how much of her day revolved around Eli, and she felt her eyes tear up. Some people would think it was sad that their life revolved around someone else, but Clare knew it wasn't that simple. They revolved around each other, equally.

As Clare unlocked the front door and walked into her house, the emptiness surrounded her. It wasn't just Eli. She missed her family. She hadn't spoken with her father in almost a week, and she missed her mother's constant presence. Although she had long since gotten used to her absence, she even missed Darcy.

Clare walked up the stairs slowly and entered her bedroom, crawling into the center of her bed. She curled her arms and legs up to her chest, and she cried. She cried for Eli. She cried for her parents. She cried for her family. Mostly though, she cried for herself. She cried for letting herself get this far down. She cried for pushing her Mom and Dad away in her fits of teenage angst. It wasn't their fault that their marriage didn't work. As much as it hurt to believe, they had tried. They had tried hard. Why should they remain unhappy together when they could separate and try to be happy again? Shouldn't she want that for them?

Eli. Eli was her everything, and she hurt him. He was right. She hadn't meant it when she said she loved him, not that it wasn't true. In that moment though, she had only said it to convince him that she wanted to do something that they both knew she wasn't ready for. What could she do now to fix the damage she had done?

Deciding to take control of the easier situation, Clare wiped her tears and steadied her breathing. She picked up her cell phone and called her father.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Hey Dad."

"Clare, is something wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to call you."

"Oh ok, uh… is everything alright at home?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. Listen Dad, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a pain since you and Mom told me about the divorce. I was being selfish and stupid, and I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Clare, and you aren't selfish or stupid. Everybody deals with things in different ways."

"I know, but I definitely didn't choose the right way to deal with it.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with it at all."

"It's okay Dad. I understand. It's not my favorite turn of events, but I understand. Can I maybe come over for dinner sometime? I miss you."

"I miss you too, Clare. How about Sunday? Tell you what, I'll come pick you up after church, and we can go look for some things for your room over here and start fixing it up, and then I'll cook us some dinner. How's that sound?"

"It sounds perfect. I'll see you Sunday."

"Great, I love you, Clare."

"I love you too, Dad. Bye."

"Bye."

Already, Clare could feel the weight coming off her shoulders. She scrolled down the contact list in her phone until she found her mother.

"Hello?" 

"Hey Mom."

"Clare, is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine. How's Grandma?"

"She's doing really well. We're still here at the hospital, but just for observation. The doctor said as long as she keeps making steady progress, she should be able to go home sometime during the weekend."

"I'm glad she's doing better."

"How about you, Clare, is everything okay at home?"

"Absolutely. Mom, I just wanted to call and tell you that I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For what, Clare?"

"I'm sorry for being so difficult, you know… since you and Dad told me about the divorce."

"Oh Clare, it's okay! I knew it would be hard, but we'll get through it."

"I know, I'm just sorry that I've been such a pain, especially to you."

"It's okay, honey. You were having a hard time. Listen, honey, the doctor just came in, so I need to go, but I can call you back when he finishes his report."

"No, it's okay Mom. That's all I had to say. I love you."

"I love you too, honey. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

"Bye."

Clare laid her head back on the bed. That was the easy part. Now what was she going to do about Eli? Before she could think too hard, her lack of sleep from the night before caught up with her. Deciding that a nap might clear her head, Clare crawled underneath the covers and fell asleep.

She woke a few hours later, feeling better, but still slightly troubled. Her stomach growled angrily from her lack of sustenance. Clare walked downstairs and grabbed the phone book. Finding her favorite Japanese restaurant, she called in an order for delivery. As she waited for her dinner, she straightened up around the house and started a load of laundry. As she turned the knob on the washing machine to the proper cycle, she heard the doorbell.

Taking her bag of food from the delivery girl, she handed her payment and told her to keep the change as her tip. After she ate, Clare switched over the laundry and headed back upstairs.

She laid down on her bed and turned on the small t.v. perched atop her dresser. She found a movie she liked and settled in to watch it. Towards the end of the movie, Clare felt shivery, so she grabbed a quilt off the end of her bed. Despite its warmth, her shivers wouldn't stop. Just as she started to worry, her stomach churned. Dashing to the bathroom, Clare was violently sick. Once she composed herself, she rinsed her mouth out and headed back to her bed, still shivering violently. Twenty minutes went by, and she still couldn't stop shaking. To make matters worse, a dull ache surfaced, just behind her ribs, sending her into a panic. Without thinking she grabbed her phone, scrolling furiously until she found the right number.

"Clare?" Eli answered.

"C… Can you come over?" she asked, her voice shaking with panic.

"I'll be right there."


	11. Chapter 11 Recanting

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. **

**Chapter 11 – Recanting**

Eli lay still on his back staring at the ceiling when his phone rang. He raised an eyebrow and picked up the phone. It was Clare. He debated for a split second to ignore the call, but sighed and answered.

"Clare?"

"C… Can you come over?" she asked, her voice sounded shaky and panicked.

"I'll be right there," he answered, hanging up the phone. Worry coursed through him as he grabbed a jacket and shoved his feet into a pair of shoes. What could have happened? Was she hurt? Was she just upset? What would he say to her?

He thanked whatever powers at be that let him get to Clare's house without getting a speeding ticket. He raced up the front sidewalk, but the front door was locked, with no light shining inside. He looked up to Clare's window to see dim lighting shining around the edges of her drapes. Hoping the window would be unlocked, he scaled the tree that Clare always climbed down when she snuck out to see him. He held on with one arm as he reached towards the bottom of the window sill, pulling upward. It slid up effortlessly, and Eli climbed inside.

He took in the room around him, noticing Clare wasn't present. He started walking for the bedroom door to search the rest of the house when a tiny cough echoed from the bathroom. He cautiously opened the door, not sure what to expect.

Clare lay on the bathroom rug in the middle of the bathroom. Her face was pale with a sheen of sweat on her forehead. She held her arms to her chest with her legs curled up, shaking as if she had been locked out in the cold despite the thick sweatpants and sweatshirt she was wearing.

Eli knelt beside her, not sure what to do. He placed a hand on her forehead, expecting fever, but the temperature felt normal. At his touch, Clare grabbed his arm.

"E… Eli?" Her voice was tiny and trembling.

"Clare, what's going on? What's wrong with you?"

"Help me g… get back in b… bed," she pleaded.

"Here, put your arm around my neck," he told her.

She did as he said, and he put his arm around her waist, helping her to her feet. Once she stood up, she leaned against Eli's side as he carefully led her back to her bed. Once they reached the edge, Clare took her arm from around Eli's shoulder and crawled to the far side of the bed, pulling all the covers around herself as she coiled into a ball.

Eli stood at the edge of the bed, completely unsure of what do to.

"I c… can't stop sh… shaking," she complained.

Eli slid in the bed behind her, putting his arms around her and pulling her to his chest. Her trembling shook his entire body, but he held her tight.

"Tell me what happened? Did you get sick again?" he asked.

"I was w… watching t.v., and I st… started shivering. Th… then I felt s…sick, and I threw u… up. I laid b… back down, but i… it kept h… happening," she explained. "Then m…my chest started h…hurting, and that's when I c… called. I… I'm so s… sorry."

"What do you mean your chest was hurting?"

"R… right here," she said as she took the hand wrapped around her waist and placed it at the bottom of her sternum.

"I think we need to get you to a doctor."

"O… okay."

"Stay right here, I'm gonna call your dad and tell him to meet us at the emergency room," he said, grabbing her cell phone off the bedside table. He scrolled through the numbers until he found her dad's cell phone number.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Mr. Edwards, it's Eli."

"Oh, hi Eli, what's going on? Why do you have Clare's phone?"

"She called me about half an hour ago, and I came right over. Something's wrong with Clare. I got here and she was laying in the bathroom floor, shaking and she's been throwing up. She says her chest hurts, like right behind her ribs. I'm gonna take her to the emergency room, can you meet us there?" Eli answered, panic making his voice uneven.

"Absolutely, calm down, Eli. It's going to be okay."

"Thanks, Mr. Edwards."

Eli sat back down on the edge of the bed, his hand on Clare's shoulder.

"Clare, your dad's gonna meet us. Let me help you downstairs."

Clare rolled over and climbed out of the bed, holding on to Eli for support. Slowly, they made their way down the stairs and safely to the hearse. Clare laid down on the bench seat, as Eli walked around to the driver's side. Eli drove more carefully than normal, knowing that rushing and getting careless was the last thing they needed. A few blocks away from Clare's house, she spoke.

"E… Eli. I'm s… sorry."

"It's okay, Clare, we'll be there in a few minutes."

"No, I'm sorry f… for the other n…night. You were r… right. I was u… upset."

"Clare…" he started.

"I w… wasn't ready, and I sh… shouldn't have s… said that, at l… least not like th… that," she explained, silent tears making their way over her ashen face.

"We can talk about this later, Clare. You don't need to get upset right now." Eli knew it might hurt her feelings to cut her off, but they had more pressing matters at hand. He had no idea what could be wrong with her, but he knew getting flustered and upset wouldn't help anything.

Finally they reached the hospital. Clare's Dad stood at the emergency room entrance with a nurse and a wheelchair. Her Dad already had her halfway out of the car when Eli reached the passenger side.

"Was there anything else she said about what happened, other than what you told me on the phone, Eli?" Mr. Edwards asked. "I already told the nurse what you said."

"No, that's all she told me," he answered as he closed the passenger door.

The nurse had already started wheeling Clare away. Mr. Edwards put a hand on Eli's shoulder.

"It's okay. The waiting room is just through there, and I'll come find you as soon as I know something," he explained, pointing through the glass doors before he turned and followed the nurse.

Eli stood there beside the hearse, alone, watching them wheel Clare across the waiting room and through a pair of double doors. As soon as she was out of sight, he walked back around and got back in the hearse and started looking for parking. Once he found a space, he laid his head down on the steering wheel, gripping it with white knuckles. After taking a deep breath, he got out and walked across the lot back to the waiting room.

He sat down in an empty chair, his head in his hands, and waited.


	12. Chapter 12 Relieving

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other pop culture or literary references.**

**Chapter 12 – Relieving**

The minutes that went by felt like days, weeks even, as Eli sat in the waiting room. He kept thinking about their distance over the past two days, wishing it had never happened. After about two hours, Mr. Edwards came out from behind the double doors. Eli bolted out of his seat, rushing to him.

"The doctor says he's going to do some tests. He's going to do a sonogram of her gallbladder to see if it's functioning correctly, and then he's going to do an endoscopy. The endoscopy will let him see inside Clare's stomach with a tiny camera, and she'll have to be put under anesthesia," he explained.

"Can I see her before they put her under?"

"Of course, she's been asking for you."

As they walked through the double doors and down the hall, Mr. Edwards spoke again.

"Listen, Eli, I just wanted to thank you, for taking care of Clare. I know it must have been frightening walking in and seeing her like this. She's lucky to have someone in her life like you."

"I'm not gonna lie, it was scary, really scary, but I know she'd have done the same for me."

They rounded a corner, and entered a large room on the left. The hospital beds were all separated by curtains, full of patients waiting for tests or examinations.

Eli was relieved to see Clare lying still on her bed, her shaking finally gone. As he approached her bed, her pale face broke out into a smile. She reached out for his hand, and he complied.

"I think I'll take this opportunity to grab some coffee," Mr. Edwards said in an obvious attempt to give them some privacy.

"Hey," she greeted, her voice finally steady, but still weak.

"Hey you, I see you finally stopped fidgeting," he teased, trying to mask his concern.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," she said, looking down.

"No worries, so I hear they're putting you under."

"Yeah, they're gonna stick a camera down my throat. Sounds like a good time, right?" she joked.

"Not really my style, but I always knew you were different," he smirked.

Clare smiled and brought Eli's hand up to her face, leaning to it.

"I missed you. I can't even tell you how much. I'm so sorry I was such a basket case. I don't even know what to say for myself," she admitted.

"Listen, Clare, I need to tell you something."

"Anything."

"I gave you the cold shoulder because I didn't think you meant what you said. It was hard because for weeks, hell, maybe even months I've been wanting to say that to you, but I just kept waiting for some stupid perfect moment or something."

Eli watched the faint pink blush seep to the surface of her cheeks.

"And you were so different. I felt like ever since you found out your parents were splitting, you were slowly changing into this completely different person, and I knew it wasn't really you. I didn't want to say anything because I thought you'd just push me out too."

"You know, before my stomach decided to go crazy tonight, I sort of had an epiphany," Clare stated. "I was lying on my bed after school, just bawling like an idiot, and I realized how much of a complete jerk I'd been to everyone. I called my parents and apologized for giving them such a hard time. I didn't call you because I didn't know what to say to you yet, because I'd made such a fool out of myself."

"So you waited until you thought you were having a heart attack to call me," he teased.

"It got you to my house, though, right?" she smiled.

"I suppose that's one way to look at it, but I promise you, you don't need to go to such theatrics in the future."

"I'll try to remember that."

The curtain around them was suddenly swiped to the side.

"Alright Miss Edwards, you ready to find out what's got your belly aching?"

"You have no idea," she answered, then turned to Eli. "I'll see you later?"

He nodded, giving her the lopsided grin she loved. She squeezed his hand affectionately, before letting it go as the nurse wheeled her off. Eli turned and walked back in the waiting room where he found Clare's father sipping a cup of coffee and thumbing through a magazine. Eli sat down in the seat opposite him, speaking only one word.

"Thanks."

And they waited.


	13. Chapter 13 Reasoning

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. So here we are, the diagnosis chapter! **

**Chapter 13 – Reasoning**

Clare squeezed Eli's hand in reassurance and then let it fall as the nurse wheeled her bed away. They entered a long hallway, travelling about halfway down before turning to the left.

"Okay Miss Edwards, first up is the sonogram of your gallbladder," the nurse explained. "Doctor Amann will be right in."

The nurse turned and walked back through the door. Before it finished swinging closed, her doctor entered.

"Hello again, Miss Edwards," he greeted as he washed his hands in a nearby sink and donned a pair of gloves.

"Hi."

"Okay, so what we're going to do here is take a look at your gallbladder. You'll need to raise your gown up so we can see your abdomen."

Clare did as she was told.

"I'm going to put some of this lubricant on your stomach, sorry it's so cold."

He was right; it felt like he just smeared ice on her.

"Now, I'm going to see if we can't get a good look at that gallbladder. This may be a little uncomfortable, but it'll be quick."

He took the handheld piece of the machine and pressed it to Clare's abdomen, just below her ribcage. Once a picture appeared on the monitor, he began moving it along just under her rib cage. When apparently he found the right site, he began to mash the handheld piece in, still rotating it slightly. He was right; it was uncomfortable, but not necessarily painful.

"Okay, here we are," he stated as he watched the monitor. "Good news Miss Edwards, everything here seems to be in good order."

The doctor handed her some paper towels to clean the lubricant off her stomach, and she pulled her gown back down.

"Alright Miss Edwards, the nurse will be in shortly, and she'll wheel you over to me down the hall for the endoscopy," he explained as he discarded his gloves and strode out the swinging door.

"Thanks."

A few minutes went by, and then the nurse entered and wheeled her out and down the hall. This time they entered a room with much more equipment. Large flat screen monitors hung from the ceiling. The nurse wheeled Clare in the center of the room in between several machines.

"Okay Miss Edwards, I'm going to administer your anesthesia. Can you roll onto your left side for me?" she asked politely.

Clare rolled on her side, away from the nurse, slightly nervous. She felt the nurse fumble with her IV line.

"Miss Edwards, I need you to recite your alphabet for me, backwards."

"Z… Y… X… double…"

Everything faded to black.

Clare awoke what felt like only minutes later, but judging by her surroundings, it must have been at least a few hours. She was back in the large room divided by curtains. She looked to her right to see her Dad leaned back napping in a chair beside her. She wondered if Eli was still in the waiting room and if anyone had called her mother.

"Dad?" she called, her voice sounding slightly raspy.

"Huh?" he blurted out, shaking awake. "Oh hey honey, how are you feeling?"

"Fine, my voice sounds funny," she smiled.

"Yeah, the nurse said you might be a little hoarse, but it should fade in a few hours."

"Did they say anything yet?"

"Not yet, I think the doctor was waiting until your woke up first."

"I hear some conversation over here," her nurse said, pulling the curtain back. "I'll have to tell Dr. Amann that you're awake so he can give you your evaluation."

"Thank you," her dad said as the nurse exited.

Dr. Amann returned several minutes later, clipboard in hand. He grabbed a rolling stool and wheeled it beside Clare's bed, forming a triangle between herself, her dad, and the doctor.

"Alright Miss Edwards, you feeling okay?"

"Just raspy," she replied.

"That's to be expected. Any soreness in your throat?"

"No, not really."

"Good, you should stop being hoarse after another three to four hours. Now, let's get down to business shall we?"

"Lay it on us," her dad said, reaching and taking Clare's hand.

"Okay, we found what has been causing your episodes. You have what is called a hiatal hernia. Unlike more common hernias, this one is located at the top of the stomach. Essentially it's a slight protrusion of the stomach through a weakness in the diaphragm. Typically we don't operate on these types of hernias, because if we were to fix the protrusion, it would make it so that if you genuinely needed to vomit, you would be unable to. The best option we have is medication to limit the amount of acid secretion in your stomach so that it doesn't bubble up into your esophagus. Also, you'll need to be mindful of what you do after you eat. From what you told me, it seems most or all of your episodes occurred when you laid down following a late meal. Make sure to allow yourself a couple of hours after you eat remaining upright."

"So, no midnight snacks?"

The doctor chuckled. "Snacks maybe, but no late night meals. Do either of you have any questions?"

"How did I get a hernia?" Clare asked.

"Well, a variety of things can cause them, but typically this type of hernia can be hereditary or it can also be caused from stress or just a weakening of the diaphragm. The typical causes of heavy lifting or increased abdomen pressure can also apply, but I'd say most it's most likely hereditary or stress-related."

"What kind of medicine will she need to take?" her dad asked.

"What we call a proton pump inhibitor. There are several different brands, but for now I'm going to start you out on Nexium. It'll limit the amount of acid your stomach produces. You'll need to take it in the morning at least thirty minutes before breakfast. It's most effective on an empty stomach. If we see good results, it'll pretty much become your new daily vitamin. Any other questions?" he asked as he jotted out the prescription and handed it to Mr. Edwards.

Both Clare and her dad looked at each other and shook their heads.

"Great. The nurse will be out shortly to remove your IV, and then if you'll give us about thirty more minutes to make sure you're alright from the anesthesia, you guys can get home and get some sleep."

"Thank you so much," her dad said, standing up to shake the doctor's hand.

"You're very welcome," he replied, shaking his hand and then strolling back out of the room.

Clare turned to her father.

"So which side of the family can I blame for this?" she joked.

"I think that would be your mother's side. I don't know of anyone on my side with a hernia," he laughed.

"Hey Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you go get Eli?"

**Author's Foot Note: This chapter was particularly fun to write, because I've lived it. Pretty much what happened to Clare happened to me during my junior year of college, except I squished Clare's into about a month's time rather than the year it took me to finally stop believing the Student Health Center when they kept telling me I had the stomach flu. Also, I wanted to pay tribute to my awesome digestive specialist Dr. Amann.**


	14. Chapter 14 Returning

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. Okay, so this is the last chapter! I'm so happy with this story. I hope y'all enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it. I'm heavily considering doing an epilogue, so keep an eye out.**

**Chapter 14 – Returning**

Clare waited patiently as her Dad went to find Eli. Another nurse brought her a cup of water, and it wasn't until she took a sip that she realized how completely parched she was. Finally she saw her dad and Eli enter across the room. Her dad pointed to her bed, then exited back through the doors. Poor Eli, she thought, he looked exhausted, with faint tinges of red rimming his sleep deprived eyes.

"You need a nap," she smirked at him.

"Well, those chairs aren't exactly ideal for catching a snooze," he said, his head nodding back towards the hallway.

"My dad tell you anything?" she asked.

"Nah, he said you'd probably wanna tell me."

"I have a hernia."

"A hernia? That's it?"

"What do you mean, 'That's it?' What'd you expect? The plague?" she laughed.

"I don't know, so what happens now?"

"Medicine, and no more late night dinners."

"How'd you manage to get a hernia? I thought people got those from lifting stuff."

"Not mine. Mine's at the top of my stomach. The doctor said it's either heredity or stress-related."

"Only you could stress yourself into a hernia," he smirked, leaning down and gently kissing her forehead.

"You did say you always knew I was different," she laughed.

"So when can we get out of here?" he asked, plopping down into the chair beside her bed.

"Soon, they're just making sure I'm alright after being under."

"Good, I feel like I could sleep for days."

"You say that everyday."

"Okay, so this time I feel like I could sleep for weeks?"

Clare just shook her head.

Her dad returned a few minutes later having gotten Clare's prescription filled in the hospital pharmacy, and then soon after the nurse arrived, removed her IV, and directed Clare back to a wheelchair like the one she had entered in. Eli ran off to pull the hearse around as Clare waited on the sidewalk with her father.

"You're sure you don't want me to come stay at the house with you?" her dad asked for the fifteenth time.

"Dad, I'm positive. Mom will be home by lunch time, and you need some sleep," she explained again.

"Okay, but don't forget your medicine in the morning."

"Don't you mean later today? I won't. Thanks Dad. I'll see you Sunday right?"

"Of course, I love you, honey, I'm so glad you're alright," he said, bending down and kissing her on the forehead. Once Eli pulled up, her dad helped her into the passenger seat, closing the door and waving as they drove off.

Clare turned to Eli.

"You sure you're awake enough to drive?"

"You sure your dad hasn't lost his mind letting me take you home with no one there?"

"What do you mean no one there? You're staying."

"Oh, I am, am I?"

"Yep, no arguments."

"There you go, yanking me about. Maybe I should date someone who isn't so pushy."

"You know you like it," she smirked.

Once they arrived at Clare's house, they went straight upstairs, both exhausted. Clare grabbed a clean pair of pajamas and went to the bathroom to change. When she returned in her baggy pants and tank top, she found that Eli had stripped down to his boxers and undershirt. Placing his ring and guitar-pick necklace on the bedside table, he looked up to see the blush on Clare's face as she exited the bathroom.

"What? I didn't exactly know to pack pajamas," he said, his mouth breaking into a crooked grin. "Don't get any bright ideas, you could turn on all the charm you want, but this guy is going to sleep."

"No arguments here," she laughed.

Clare picked up her cell phone, and Eli gave her a questioning look.

"Texting someone? It's the middle of the night," he pointed.

"Nope, setting my alarm. You have to be gone before my mom gets home," she smirked.

"Ah yes, you always were the brains of this operation," he said, yawning halfway through.

"So what does that make you?"

"Oh hush, I'm too tired to banter."

Clare crawled to the far side of the bed. She felt Eli slide in behind her, just as he had earlier that evening, slipping his arms around her and holding her close.

Clare's head rested on Eli's arm. She started to drift off when she heard him speak.

"I love you, Clare," he said softly, kissing the back of her shoulder.

"I love you, too."


	15. Epilogue  Resembling

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

**Author's Note: I don't own Degrassi nor any other literary or pop culture references. Thanks for all the great reviews so far! They truly make me smile. Here's the epilogue! It's a bit longer than I intended, but I hope you enjoy it!**

**Epilogue – Resembling**

Clare looked out the passenger window of Eli's hearse as they drove down a winding road, surrounded by a thick forest of green. Eli hadn't told her where they were going, but something about the road looked familiar. Had they been here before?

Clare looked over at Eli, smiling. He was singing along to a song Clare didn't recognize, but then again, Clare didn't recognize much of his music. He caught her eye and smiled a crooked grin before settling his eyes back on the twisty road.

As she turned back towards the window, Clare started going over her mental to do list. She and Eli were leaving for college in a week. After much deliberation it was decided that they would go to Boston University in Massachusetts. Clare had always wanted to go to school in the States, and Eli was fine with anywhere she wanted as long as it was far enough to feel like they were "going away to college" and still close enough that they could drive home in a day. It was still hard to believe how fast the rest of her high school career had flown by. Even though Eli was a year ahead of her, he had insisted on sitting out a year before starting college so they could go together. While Clare initially protested this idea, there was no swaying him. She remembered their frequent disagreements on the subject.

"_I just don't understand why you think it's such a big deal," he stated for what felt like the tenth time._

"_It's a big deal because it's your education. Why wouldn't you want to go straight to college?"_

"_I need some job experience. It'll look better on my resume when I finish school if I've had a real working background."_

"_That's crap and you know it. Why are you putting it off? You know what they say about people who sit out or take breaks from college, right? They never go back."_

"_There is no doubt in my mind that I'm gonna go. I just don't understand why you're freaking out about it," he said exasperated._

"_I just… I need to know you aren't sitting out because you think I won't be okay with you leaving," she admitted._

"_Clare," he said softly, taking her face in his hands. "I don't want to go because I want us to go together. I want us to get to experience college life together. It'd be miserable without you. Is that really such an awful idea?"_

So he had waited for her. Admittedly it was nice having him around for all her senior activities. He was able to take her to her senior prom and sit bravely between her parents in the audience at her graduation, watching her give the commencement address. It didn't hurt either that he managed to save up a sizeable amount of money for school working full-time at a local bookstore.

Towels, a desk lamp, and an oil change in her car were all that was left on her agenda. As sad as she would be for them to leave the hearse behind, it simply wasn't as reliable or easy to maneuver in thick traffic as the ice blue Ford Edge she'd received for graduation.

"You know, I'm really gonna miss this car," Clare said.

"Yeah, we'll have to give him some extra attention when we come home, so he doesn't feel neglected," he explained.

"So many memories in here," she continued, her eyes glancing over to him.

He laughed. "Never thought you'd say that about a hearse, did you?"

She chuckled, and returned her gaze to the road. Suddenly, Eli braked and took a sharp turn, continuing down a gravel road, when it hit her.

"We're going to the river!" she exclaimed.

"Bingo," he said, bringing the hearse to a stop. "I figured I'd already given it away when I told you to wear a swimsuit."

"There are lots of places we could have gone swimming, actually," she pointed as Eli started grabbing stuff out of the back of the hearse. He handed Clare two oversized towels and a blanket, while he grabbed a handheld cooler, closing the backdoor of the hearse behind him. They set off down the trail, talking about moving and what college life must be like.

"I still can't believe you managed to land yourself in the same dorm as me. Did you pay someone in the housing department?" he teased.

"Bribery is beneath me. You know as well as I do that the dorms are co-ed. They separate the girls and boys into different wings."

"I know, it'll be so handy to not have to go outside when I walk you home at night," he said, setting the cooler down on the ground as he jumped down the three foot drop in the trail. Clare set the towels and blanket on top of the cooler as Eli held his arms up to help her down, taking her waist just as he had some two and a half years ago. Once she was down, Eli kissed her on the forehead before dropping his arms and they grabbed their stuff, continuing down the trail.

"What makes you think I'm going back to my room every night? Or was I mistaken to think that's why you asked for a single room?" she smirked.

"That might've landed on the pros and cons list," he admitted, flashing her a crooked smile.

"And here I was thinking you were just anti-social," she said as she dropped the blanket and towels on the dry bank.

"Ouch," he laughed as he watched Clare walk to the edge of the river, dipping her bare foot in the water. "How's the water?"

"A little cool," she said.

Eli picked up the blanket to spread out and put their things on. As he picked up their towels to lay out, he looked back to Clare. She was wearing a purple cotton jersey dress over her swimsuit. He watched her reach down, pulling the fabric over her head and discarding it on the bank. A blush crept up his face. Her light blue swimsuit was a one-piece, with thin white straps. It was cut into a deep v, with white trim just under the bust. It suited her curvy figure perfectly.

It was almost impossible not to stare at her, since the swimsuit clearly let him see parts of Clare that were ordinarily covered up. Sure, his hands might've explored a bit under the hem of her shirt or barely beneath a skirt, but he was careful not to push her. Despite the fact that she never put her purity ring back on, Eli knew it still meant a lot to her to wait until she was ready, and there was no doubt in his mind that she was worth it, so he did. Shaking his head, Eli cleared his throat and finished laying out their towels.

Clare knew him too well to think he wasn't watching. As soon as she pulled off her cover-up, she heard him clear his throat, and she giggled, stepping down off a rock and into the cool water. She waded until she was about waist deep, stepping carefully over the smooth water-worn stones in the bottom of the river.

Looking back, Clare saw Eli approaching the edge of the river. He'd kicked his shoes off, and she watched as he tugged his t-shirt off, dropping it by his side, leaving him in a dark grey pair of board shorts. He walked towards her, flinching slightly at the cool water. As he stepped closer, Clare began backing away, treading softly into the deeper water until it just washed over the tops of her freckled shoulders. When Eli reached her, he put his arms around her waist, pulling her to him. She planted a quick kiss on his surprised lips as she pulled his arms from behind her back. Slowly she swam around behind him, planting another kiss on the back of his neck, and then with one swift motion, she jumped up and kicked the back of his knees, pushing his shoulders under and dunking him.

Clare broke out into a fit of laughter as Eli stood back up coughing and pushing a mop of wet hair out of his face. They spent the next several hours horsing around in the water, enjoying what they knew would be one of their last moments of true summer vacation. As the sun started to set, they walked back out of the water, fingers thoroughly pruned. Eli laid down on his towel, resting his arms behind his head, and Clare laid down perpendicular to him, resting her head on his stomach.

Clare sighed.

"What?" Eli inquired.

"Huh? Oh, I was just thinking," she replied.

"About what?"

"Us."

"What about us?"

"It was right here that you told me you were ready to be with me," she replied.

"True, your point?"

"I don't know, it's kinda fitting, don't you think? It's like the beginning of a journey. First to get to know each other, to fall in love. Now, we're getting ready to go to college, be off on our own together."

"Aw, when did you decide to turn us into a Nicholas Sparks movie?" he laughed.

"Leave it to you to turn my genuine sentiments into jokes," she teased.

He took her hand in his, bringing it to his lips, kissing it gently and smirked, "You wouldn't have it any other way."


End file.
